Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
