I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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