What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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