Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
