You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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