This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
