and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
