Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize