My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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