You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
