i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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