is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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