remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
