Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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