You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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