I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
