remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
