I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
