dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
