he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
