hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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