Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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