I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
