Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
