my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
