That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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