Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
