Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
