i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had sex on a roof
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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