ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
