I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
