k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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