normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
