Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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