and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
