i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
