Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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