Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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