never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
