The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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