the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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