Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
