3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
