i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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