the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
