I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
