i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
