We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
