I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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