Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
