i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
