it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
