Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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