peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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