one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
