My sheets look like a crime scene.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
