wakey wakey hands off snakey
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
