yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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