your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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