Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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