Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
