The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
