Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So. Much. Porn.
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