we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will pee on everything he values.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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